I almost didn’t apply to work with the UVM Orientation Program as a graduate student this summer. Almost. After having been encouraged to apply by various individuals in my professional network, I decided to go for it. It was a process in deciding what my summer plans were going to be. I was getting mixed perspectives from the people I surrounded myself with:
- Summer is beautiful in Burlington.
- “I was the only one who left.”
- Do an ACUHO-I.
- “Are you coming home for the summer?”
To be honest, my main priority at the time was to spend my summer back in California in order to be with my partner. Long-distance relationships are not easy (expect a blogpost about this in the future). They require so much love, attention, communication, and compromise. Knowing this, I quickly came up with the most ideal situation that would enable me to grow as a professional while allowing me to maintain my partnership: I would land a summer internship in Southern California, live at home and commute to work, and still pay for my apartment in Vermont. It seemed reasonable. It seemed doable. But was I being too optimistic to the point where it pushed the boundaries of realistic and attainable?
After some time reflecting upon and reaffirming my own needs and wants, I decided to apply for the Graduate Internship to work with the UVM Orientation Program and was fortunate enough to be selected as one of five graduate students to be a part of “Central Staff”, a team that soon became my new summer family and support system. Two weeks (now four) since the completion of our last Orientation session, I have found not only the time to write about my experience, but the courage to embrace the lived emotions that came with this journey as well.
So here are my 6 personal truths — I chose 6 because of the 6 Orientation Sessions we had this summer — that represent everything that I had feared, become, wanted, learned, and loved since joining this new chosen family that I call Orientation, community, and home.
1. I think I needed them more than they needed me. There is something magical that happens when we allow ambitious, dedicated, and self-reflective student leaders to share their stories, identities, and experiences with each other in order to ground our work as educators and create a foundation for success. And because of those stories and personal narratives, I didn’t realize how attached I grew to not only my personal team of students, but to the larger orientation staff as a whole. With their help, I felt seen, heard, hopeful, and rejuvenated once again. It has been awhile since I was able to see myself as more than just a graduate student, intern, professional, and educator. So thank you to my Z-Rex team and family for allowing me to be myself and so much more. I often forget how many lollipop moments happen out there in the world. If we only take the time to notice these moments and share our gratitude for them, we can lead the world into a kinder tomorrow.
2. Why run? Over this past year I have worked every day to better understand and embrace my emotions. I think the most recent movie Inside Out says it all. Last semester, I finished reading Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. It was a book that discussed the raw power and beauty of our own emotions and urged its readers to better understand how these emotions can be used as tools and resources within the classroom, our profession, and our personal life. Someone once said to me, “I don’t do feelings.” Another individual said, “I don’t do goodbyes.” While all of these statements may be perfectly valid for these individuals, I stop to wonder why folks today become so misaligned with their emotions. How are we so out-of-tune with ourselves that we become so afraid of our feelings and gut reactions? Why do we continue to feed into a culture that devalues emotional expressiveness, particularly “negative” facets of emotions such as tears, frustration, and jealousy? We teach ourselves to run from them rather than work through them, and then with them.
Working with orientation this summer made me realize just how connected I was to not only my own emotions, but to the emotions of others as well. I value emotional expressiveness. I want the students I work with to sit in their discomfort. At the same time, I want them to realize the beauty of emotional camaraderie and emotional leadership. It took me a second to realize that my own style of leadership and supervising is so motivated by emotional connectedness and personal relationships. For me, they form the foundation and groundwork to the work I currently do (and will continue to do) as a student affairs scholar practitioner.
3. Summer in Burlington is beautiful. Please do not misunderstand — winter is equally as beautiful. With winter, however, comes a silent beauty that can slowly take a toll on the human mind, body, heart, and spirit. It’s exhausting having to deal with endless amounts of white fluff and below-zero temperatures. When it finally ended and spring made its short appearance, we soon entered happier times with summer. And well, summer was, and still is, liberating. It has this way of making you feel satisfied, wholesome, and complete. Perhaps this is an exaggeration of my unconditional love for warmer weather, but it was, without a doubt, perfect (and hopefully these 34 pictures will convey my strong feelings more accurately than my own words).
Am I glad that I spent the summer in Burlington? Absolutely. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Burlington comes to life. It is not the same winter wonderland we see throughout half of the year nor is it the apple-picking, pumpkin-patching, and leaf-peeping city we come to know in the fall. Rather, it ebbs and flows with live jazz music, out-of-state and Canadian tourists, bikers and boaters, voracious mosquitoes with ideas of grandeur, and of course, cheese and beer.
4. I am freaking amazing at what I do. It has always been a challenge for me to fully embrace and take ownership of the work that I do. I know I do good work. I know I am capable of handling situations thrown my way and fulfilling my responsibilities above and beyond what is requested of me. And yet, “knowing” can be so different from fully “embracing” this personal truth. Perhaps it is the cultural upbringing that I experienced as a Pilipino American that makes it almost taboo to brag about what we are good at. Or perhaps this lack of ownerships comes from being a queer, person of color living under an oppressive (education) system that recognizes more of my straight white counterparts than they do me. Or perhaps, it is an amalgamation of all of the before mentioned. I am my culture. I am my family. I am this system. I am insecurity seeking strength and I am power seeking meaning. Despite all of this, I know that I am not only capable, but that I am actually doing some amazingly powerful things with and for students.
A quick reminder for everyone, including myself: Stay humble. Stay hungry. And indulge every now and then.
5. I have to learn how to ask for help. Truth is … I am terrible at asking for help. It’s not one of my love languages (acts of service). Again, it’s a cultural/familial/systemic issue of mine that I need to learn how to work through.
But the individuals below were some of THE best support systems I have ever experienced. From getting starbucks for each other whenever it was a long day (let’s face it, though, everyday is a long day in orientation realm) to taking on tasks and other responsibilities from your plate in order to let you go home early; they were there for it all. I could not have asked for a better team and community to be a part of this summer. I truly felt that each individual had not only my back, but also held my head up high when things got rough, and kept my heart close to their own at the beginning and end of each work day. Even when I couldn’t physically bring myself to ask for support, these folks could read my expressions and knew what I needed. Although I’ve had these individuals to support me throughout this entire summer, I know life doesn’t always work that way.
Eric, you have to ask for help when you need it. Learn to let go and loosen up. Delegate and direct. After 25 years of life experiences, you know that the show ALWAYS goes on. Why sweat the small things when you can have others sweat it out for you (maybe not literally, but I think you get what I am trying to say). Be with the people who care. Stress is one less thing we need on our daily to-do-list.
6. I am an extrovert with introverted tendencies, an open heart, and a reflective soul. What does this exactly mean? I interpret it as the following: I draw a lot of my energy being around people. I fill up my “tank” with quality time, meaningful conversations, shared laughs and instagrammable moments, and foodie adventures. I am constantly energized by these social interactions. I am equally energized by moments shared with my own heart, mind, body, and spirit. Connecting with the “inner me” is healing, cathartic, and purposeful. I am happy to share the comforts of my bed with Netflix and lose track of time while cooking a healthy meal in the kitchen. I thoroughly love the company of friends and colleagues who acknowledge and understand my cultural upbringing and developmental roots. And I am attracted to the sweet silence of an empty and clean apartment. I enjoy it all. I need them both.
I have always been an independent and self-motivated individual and so I think it surprises people when I say that I’m used to being alone in an apartment or away from the action. “FOMO” doesn’t really bother me (unless it involves me missing out on a special moment with my partner). What I would like to encourage others to do is to simply spend time with themselves. Get to know your own body: the sores, the bruises, the softness of your skin. Take the time to understand your emotions and your triggers. Discover new and innovative ways to keep your mind and body active and engaged. Sit with the discomfort. Put away the iPhones and simply “be” rather than “do”.
Orientation has helped me realize, in so many ways, who I am, what I need, and how to find the balance between the self and others. It is definitely easier these days to simply say “no” to things when my extroverted energy levels have depleted. And sometimes, I just need that little push from a good friend to say “hey, join me for ____ later today.” in order to jumpstart my desire for human contact. Figure out what works best for you. Learn when to say “no” and when to say “yes”. Enjoy every second and every minute of the day – we only get so many. Be kind to yourself and to others (unless they’re trying to get into your picture, as seen below).
And there they are. The six truths that I have learned to love, accept, critically analyze, and reflect upon since working with UVM Orientation this summer. They will continue to evolve, adapt, and transition with each new environment and experience I go through. For now, here is a celebratory cheers to a wonderful summer working with orientation and a most welcomed salud to enjoy the rest of what Burlington has to offer.