Dear #uvmhesa16: A letter from a friend.

Dear #uvmhesa16,

This is a letter to you all, my cohort: the fabulous 15* and the incredible 11. It is a recollection of the good, the ugly, and the better; an affirmation for each other and ourselves; and a call for continued action, reflection, and learning.

10659099_10152369967134211_3577835168481427568_o.jpg18 months later and we are all at such a crucial junction in our academic, professional, and personal journey. We are at a crossroads with our wants, needs, wishes, and goals. We are experiencing a transition from familiarity, comfort, and consistency towards perhaps, more uncertainty than we’d like at the moment. I intensely dislike goodbyes and see-you-laters, and I do not do well with things “ending”. I think it’s okay to fear, reject, or ignore its inevitability. And I also think we need to start recognizing, understanding, and accepting the ambiguous interlude for what it is, because let’s face it, the show must go on.

13113017_10153655730939211_9105181965658161271_o.jpg

With that said, I truly and deeply hope this letter encourages you to take that leap of faith to become vulnerable with yourself and each other, and to say, do, and feel everything that comes with such unapologetic vulnerability. So here’s my nostalgic list of thoughts, memories, and feelings jumbled into a word cloud of personal truths.


I didn’t share aloud my cajita. The cajita was a reflective assignment that allowed us to use a box, or similar container-like object, to share and convey our identities, values, beliefs, and memories. It was a representation of who we were, are, and will be, and allowed us to reflect upon our experiences as aspiring student affairs professionals. And I vividly remember that day, where I was sitting, and what I was feeling. I remember choosing not to share my cajita, my meaningful object, my story. I learned two things from that day. The first: story-telling is a powerful way to build trust, vulnerability, and community. It is a beautiful way to develop group-rapport and self-empowerment. Secondly, I wasn’t emotionally ready to share. I was losing a friend, colleague, and confidant that evening and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. In general, I just wasn’t ready. And despite being an ENFJ, I wasn’t ready for what the first five months of graduate school would do to me. I wasn’t as prepared as I thought I was. But more importantly, I learned that it was okay to be messy, to struggle here and there, and to not always have to perform at 150%, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset


Two words: JAEs Place. Holiday parties, impromptu game nights, affinity spaces, group projects, and mimosas on the porch all happened at one common gathering area: Jeff and Eric’s Place. This apartment was more than just a “place”. It was a home, I believe, for the both of us, and even perhaps, for a few members of our cohort. It was a home that brought consistency and camaraderie into our lives. A place that nourished our hearts and minds (and stomachs), and rejuvenated our spirits for the next long, long, long day of HESA. Although one of us will be leaving this special place by the end of the month, the memories at JAEs Place will always remind us what a home should be, what a home can be, and who will always be family.

1614205_10152545230129211_6780599241323664517_o


I wished I realized it sooner. I wished it didn’t take me so long to realize that I was projecting both my expectations and insecurities onto my peers. I recognized, rather late in the game, admittedly, that expecting perfection from myself was one thing, but expecting perfection from my peers was an unrealistic, exclusive, and oppressive expectation. I believed that graduate school was a time to “show up”, to bring one’s A-game both in and out of the classroom, and to go big or seriously, go home. I was frustrated by the lack of emotional intelligence exhibited by my peers. Ironically enough, it was not until my second semester of graduate school in which I was able to associate my intense feelings and reactions with having a very different kind of intelligence than I was used to hearing about. Additionally, I am embarrassed to admit that I operated under the notion that unlike undergrad, getting a Master’s degree was not a time for self-discovery and identity exploration.  Wow, was I wrong. Graduate school was a time to explore, discover, and actualize, but only if we took the opportunity to do so. Individually, we can make all the time and space needed to engage in some sort of identity work — we can even move mountains if we put our heart and soul into it. But collectively, we also needed each other. I needed my classmates to take the time, to allow the space, and to help move those big ass mountains with me, not for me. There is no perfect formula for graduate school. There’s no perfect recipe for success. And despite Master Yoda’s words of wisdom saying, “Do or do not. There is no try.”, I think all we can do is try. My cohort and I are in a galaxy far, far away from perfection, but hey, if we can try to bring out the best in ourselves and in each other, well, then I am a firm believer that there is a new hope — cue another sappy Star Wars reference, hehe.

FullSizeRender.jpg


There are perhaps two memories that for many of us, may be rather unsettling, but ones that I go back to often because of how pivotal they were for us as a cohort. Let me first setup the context. I think about Spring 2015, our second semester in HESA. This was going to be a long and cold winter, something that none of us, including the Vermonters and especially those damn Californians, had seen coming. It was the first time we had a full course load for the whole 13-15 weeks of the semester and not to mention, classes that were scheduled into the late evenings. None of us knew what we were getting ourselves into when it came to TVC Production Week or our HESA Interview Weekends. We pushed ourselves that semester to go above and beyond whatever we did in the fall. And we had two moments that simultaneously “broke us” and genuinely pushed us to become better than our very best.

The first: properly using American Psychological Association (APA) style writing in our papers and assignments. I think it is fair to say that we as a cohort wanted to become better writers. We wanted to be academics, to be scholars. We wanted to prove our self-worth that we could not only make it through graduate school, but we could do so successfully and brilliantly. And despite the fact that we were so empowered by this model of cogenerative learning, or cogen, we definitely needed some guidance. Although there may have been feelings of disappointment and embarrassment, and even some shed tears at the time, we needed that gentle reminder to become those better writers. It was the catalyst we needed to further our academic rapport and excellence. And I think it goes down as one of the most teachable moments in the history books for #uvmhesa16.

Processed with VSCO with t1 preset

The second, and probably still, the most controversial moment for us as a cohort: the discussion on affinity spaces and more specifically, affinity spaces for White students during “insert specific time and place at UVM”. I choose to be somewhat vague in this description because it could very well lead to another intense discussion that I frankly do not have the energy to entertain at the moment. Maybe another day.

As I think back to that day, I remember the anger, the tension, the tears, the confusion, the lack of appreciation and empathy, and the “wait-what-did-you-just-say” expressions on some of our faces. Oh, how we had struggled. In hindsight, it was a glorious moment. We became better educators that day. We learned that we were individuals who needed context, individuals who had questions with no answers, and individuals who were simply at various points on the social justice spectrum. If we reopen that discussion with just the 11 of us, I wonder where it would take us now. Food for thought.

vsco-photo-1.jpg


Receiving the Building Bridges Award as a cohort (not everyone, however, is featured below). What a truly humbling honor and privilege to have been recognized as a community of builders during the ALANA Student Center Banquet. Thank you to our HESA faculty for nominating, recognizing, and believing in our awareness, knowledge, and skills to build community and honor family.

To my cohort, we did it together and I thank you all for each moment of kindness, compassion, and support that you so graciously sent my way. I know we will continue to build bridges, roads, sidewalks, and provide accessible forms of transportation (aka encouragement and support) to the community of students that we work with and serve. Wherever you all go next, remember that we may be these so-called builders, but even builders need their chosen family too. Take time to find, create, and nourish yours.

Every morning a new arrival…

Be grateful for whatever comes
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
– Rumi, The Guest House

IMG_6914.JPG


In graduate school, I discovered what it truly meant to have community. A community of scholars practitioners, lovers and fighters, activists and reactionists, and friends and family. I am particularly grateful for the Asian Pacific Islander and Desi American (APIDA) community here at UVM and in Vermont. I honestly would not be just one-week away from graduation if I did not have each of you here. Thank you to Trina Tan for not only recruiting me to come here, but for telling me the truth about the challenges that come with being a person of Color at a predominantly White institution and being in one of the Whitest states in the country. More specifically, thank you to Jeffrey Tsang, Rose Del Vecchio, and Lian Boos. The patience, love, and laughter that you have gifted me throughout these last two years have allowed me to feel seen, heard, and validated. I am, and will always be, grateful for your presence and voice both in and out of the classroom. Thank you for letting me learn from you and lead with you.

12901312_10153574249089211_8047291419805581539_o.jpg

Being in Vermont with chosen family and affinity has also helped me further recognize the multiple truths within community and community building. Having an APIDA community is not the same as having a community of Pilipina/o Americans. And too often, I found individuals here at UVM and within Vermont who assume that my Pilipino American narrative is the same as other Asian Americans. It is not. We share similar experiences, challenges, and cultural norms, but they are not synonymous or interchangeable for one another. Because of this, I am so grateful to have found a few members of the UVM community who live, breathe, and know what it means to be Pilipino American. Thank you to my UVM Pilipino community for helping me reconnect with a little piece of myself that at times, slipped away through the cracks. This particular community may be small, but it is powerfully loud in voice, spirit, and excellence. And I am honored to continue to build, shape, and share this community with you all some more.

IMG_4217.jpg


So…  to my lovely cohort, the incredible 11, my forever classmates and colleagues, my final request for us is to remember that our journeys do not end here. We may be able to #checkthebox now, but we have so many other/new boxes, isms, privileges and systemic barriers that we have to check and address, especially now given our new privileges and forms of capitalism as educators with Master’s degrees. Do not forget who you are, where you come from, and where you hope to go.

The sky is the limit. And once you reach that limit, because I know each of you can and will, remember to look back at your travels and appreciate just how far you have come.

vsco-photo-1 (1).jpg

Congratulations to you, to us, and to our unequivocally spirited #uvmhesa16 cohort. This may be the end of an era, but it is also the start of the next. And we are here to rewrite history. To celebrate herstory. And to share ourstory. We are changing the game, redefining what it means to be a student affairs professional, and creating space to allow kindness and vulnerability to guide our thoughts and actions. How truly powerful we are and how powerfully scary that is.

IMG_4161.jpg

In closing, please, please, please enjoy these last few days or weeks with each other. Say thank you, put aside the baggage or take it with you and laugh with each other about it, and cherish every single creemee or sunset that we get with each other. Let us role model what vulnerability can look like outside of the classroom. Let us lead by example and show folks how to have fun. And more importantly, let us celebrate for making it through TWO YEARS of graduate school because oh.my.gosh., we did it.

Finally, don’t ever change … unless you’re already a social justice expert. *cue sarcasm*. Have a great summer. K.I.T. And may the spirit of APA be with you, always and forever.

Continue to be annoyingly amazing,
Eric G. Carnaje

Soon to be: Eric G. Carnaje, M.Ed.
UVM HESA Class of 2016

IMG_6781.PNG

 

*includes the incredible 11 (Alex, Lian, Eric, Graham, Rose, Dan, Jo, Joey, Andrew, Atiya, Jeff) plus the lovely four members who will always be a part of this community of scholar practitioners: Kat, Katie, Catarina, and Liam.

Advertisements

5 Things: Keeping Myself #Healthy, #Focused, and #Engaged

As a full-time graduate student and graduate assistant with two additional part-time on-campus positions, managing my time, stress, and workload has been a challenging process. As a result, there are 5 things I like to do, almost daily, in order to keep myself grounded, whole, and functioning — or healthy, focused, and engaged as my title suggests (oops!).

IMG_9641 copy


1) Making the bed before leaving the house. Sounds trivial, but it works. Every morning, after I put my “game face” on and dress in the weather-appropriate clothes, I make the bed. I place the two pillows at the head, drape the gorgeous white comforter over the edges, strategically position the camouflage pillow and teddy bear to add some color, and toss the brown throw blanket over the feet of the bed. Voila. Done. The reason I do this is simple: Every time I come home from an exhausting day, I at least come home to a clean slate. In the nine to twelve hours that I am on campus, my bed remains in tact, untouched by the worries and stress of the day, and ready to engulf me in a layer of comfort, trust, and deep satisfaction.

IMG_0030

2) Having a regular workout routine. Sounds obvious — because it is. For the past 10 weeks — well, let’s say it’s more like 12 because of spring break and conference season — my programmate and I exercised 25 minutes a day as part of the T25 workout program. Exercising daily helped me survive my first winter in Vermont. It kept my mind off of the never-ending to-do lists and improved my overall concentration. Sure, I saw results and I felt extremely good about myself for doing it, but more importantly, I established a wonderful relationship with my friend and colleague in this program. We enjoyed working out in each other’s company so much that we signed up to do a 5K Mud Run in Boston, Massachusetts that fundraises and brings awareness to multiple sclerosis (MS).

3) Having two reusable water bottles: one for home and the other on-the-go. Sounds excessive, but it’s also really practical. To give you some background information: I have two reusable water bottles that are the same model and type, but differ only in color (one blue, one black). I typically keep one water bottle stocked and filled in the refrigerator and the other comes with me wherever I go. I am a water fiend. I drink water like a fish. It helps to have one water bottle with me to fill up when I’m on the run or going to class, and by the time I come home, I have another water bottle just waiting to be picked up. I also prefer to drink cold water so having one in the fridge helps me save time on my other daily routines and errands and ultimately helps me stay fully hydrated. If you’re looking to get into reusable water bottles, I highly recommend the Thermos Nissan Intak Hydration Water Bottle. It’s affordable, sturdy, keeps the mouth piece protected from hands and other germs, does a good job at preventing any leaks, has a textured exterior for good grip, and comes in many different colors!

IMG_2273

4) Starting a gratitude journal. Sounds time consuming, but extremely fulfilling. I first learned about the gratitude journal after a conversation I had with my colleague, friend, and programmate, Trina S. Tan back in November 2014. Unapologetic plug: You should definitely read some of the amazing work she’s done in her own blog here. Now, back to last semester: I was in a heavy funk and was still transitioning into the Vermont life. I had a hard time being away from California, especially since I was (and still am) in a long distance relationship. I remember seeing Trina writing in this journal ALL THE TIME, even in church! And sometimes she would text me to tell me, “I wrote about you (basically describing our most recent of hangouts) in my journal.” After struggling and feeling so isolated last semester, I knew I needed to take control of my life again.

At the end of the day, I write down at least three things that I am grateful for that have positively impacted the way my day went. Since last November, writing in my journal has furthered my practice for patience, appreciation, and self-reflection. It has given me so much to be grateful for and continues to shed optimism in challenging moments. It also helps me appreciate the smaller things that happen in my day-to-day interactions, whether that be somebody buying me coffee in the morning, giving me a ride home from class in the rain, or finally having time to do laundry again.

IMG_2271

5) Taking a nap when needed. Sounds like a waste of time, but it’s completely worth it. Naps work, they really do. I still haven’t mastered how long the perfect nap is for me, but I find that when my mind is dazed and confused, I come out of a bit more level-headed and refreshed. If it’s not a nap, spending ten minutes to close my eyes and visualize how much work I want to get done also does the trick. And if you end up sleeping longer than you’re supposed (which happens, trust me) don’t be mad at yourself. Your body obviously needed a moment to recover and you’re giving it the love that it so desperately desired. 

10646770_10152363844454211_8141409915123683942_n


In closing, each of these things has allowed me to stay healthy, focused, and engaged. Making the bed has taught me how to be more responsible. Consistently working out has helped me become more accountable to myself and to others. Having two reusable water bottles makes for a more efficient day. Writing in my gratitude journal further practices the art of mindfulness. Lastly, taking a nap has allowed me to prioritize my personal health and wellbeing.

As a graduate student and student affairs professional, it’s not always easy carving time out of my day to practice self-care and living in complete balance with my personal and professional life. However, I have learned that finding ways to keep myself rejuvenated and grounded are essential to my overall wellbeing and spiritual development. Taking some time out of the day to do the little things that are important to us can help us do our work more efficiently and effectively while living our life with appreciation and integrity.

In closing, here are some questions to guide you or reground you in your own journey to a healthier lifestyle: How can you make time to do the little things that can sometimes have the largest impact on your levels of engagement and productivity? How do you practice self-love and self-reflection? What do you do to integrate balance in your life?

Reflections on #NASPA15 from a first-time attendee

“Finally.” With the help of some professional development funding and one of NASPA’s scholarship initiatives for New Professionals and Graduate Students, I was able to attend and participate in my first National NASPA Conference which took place in New Orleans this year.

As a first-time attendee, here are some of my general thoughts and reactions to the conference as a whole.

new orleans


10 quick thoughts:

1. It’s true – you do not have to go to everything. But do go to some things. I did my best to attend a handful of educational sessions and socials throughout the day. But I also made sure to enjoy my time being in New Orleans and so I skipped out on some featured sessions, resource fairs, and community meetings. At the end of the day, it was a great balance of exploring the city and (re)grounding myself in the work that I do as a scholar practitioner.

2. Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed if you decide to do things by yourself. If you want to explore the city, do it. If you want to attend a session because it is relevant to you and may not be of interest to your friends, go to it anyways. If you are hungry and need time to reflect, have lunch by yourself. It is okay to do things alone. Sometimes as a field, we place a large value on networking and community building – for good reasons, of course. However, I have also seen such community-organizing work place a sense of shame or guilt on individuals for not going to that “one thing” when all these independent folks wanted was to have some quality “me-time”.

cochon butcher    convention center

3. Small improvements – large victories. Even if you only make one new connection at a reception, don’t discount its significance. For example, although I am currently in NASPA Region I due to graduate school, I decided to attend the NASPA Region VI reception because I thought it might be good to network with current professionals if I ever wanted to get back to California (and I do, someday down the road). Although I literally only met three individuals that night and re-introduced myself to a former UCLA colleague, I felt accomplished for what I achieved that night: new perspectives, an understanding as to how these receptions look and function, and a new Twitter follower.

twitter post

4. Do not be afraid to ask for help or a hangout buddy. Ask for clarification: what is the opening session and what do they do there? What is a Knowledge Community and which “meetings” can I attend? Who is she/he? Hey, what are you doing for lunch? Do you want to have dinner tomorrow? What are these ribbons for? As a first-time attendee, give yourself permission to be “selfish” your own self-advocate. The more you know, the smaller the conference starts to feel.

5. Do not forget to thank the people who took the time and energy to make sure you felt included, supported, and welcomed. Identify at least three individuals that have been largely influential during the conference and express your gratitude for them, to them. We can easily build, validate, and sustain our communities with these little touches of compassion and appreciation.

salamat

6. When it comes to lunch or some kind of coffee break, be sure to get in line at least 10-15 minutes before a session ends. Once the session ends, everybody is out and about. Either practice waiting with patience or instead, engage in more strategic planning – you choose!

7. If you cannot avoid the lines then make the most of it. Sometimes standing in line when waiting for food or coffee can bring about the greatest of conversations and the newest of friends. True story: A friend and I were waiting in line for Subway and the three individuals in front of us were graduate students from Baylor College in Texas. We talked and laughed and they invited us to sit down with them for lunch. We exchanged business cards, added each other on Facebook, and ran into one another several times throughout the conference.

8. Try and connect with both new and old friends of your alma mater. It was great to see some friends from my college years, but it was also wonderful to hear from professionals that are currently at the university. Do not be afraid to post an announcement to your Facebook, Twitter, and other social media outlets asking if there are any “_______ alumni” in the area. I found that by asking to connect with individuals at the conference, people connected me with their connections and the whole conference scene became that much smaller. It was also great to reminisce and talk about familiar street names and campus buildings again. Talk about navigating with courage, right? #gobears 

UC Berkeley alum

9. Get to know not only the people at the conference and the professionals at the various institutions, but the people who actually live, work, and breathe in the city as well. Talk to the locals. Ask them for their recommendations. Say please and thank you and wish them a good day. With an influx of 7800 people in one city, having a level of respect and politeness can go a long way, especially to those whom are working in customer service-oriented positions.

10. When the conference is all over, give yourself some time to truly reflect about your experiences there. What did you learn about practices, strategies, cultures, and/or programs within higher ed and student affairs (name at least 5 take away messages)? What was the best part about it? What was challenging about it? Who helped you along the way? Who are new colleagues and professionals that you would like to keep in touch with? And what would you do differently if you were to go again next year?

And there you have it. My ten thoughts about the conference as a first-time #NASPA15 attendee.

What do you think? Anything else you would like to add that a first-time attendee should know and think about?


And in case anyone is interested, below are my #outfitsofNASPA that I wore for the week in New Orleans. I think I did pretty well 🙂 Any outfits you were particularly proud of? Please share! 

#outfitsofNASPA

2014 UVM HESA Google Hangout Sessions

Hello! The University of Vermont is excited to host several Google Hangout Sessions for prospective graduate students interested in the Higher Education & Student Affairs Administration (HESA) Program. This is a great opportunity to speak with current HESA graduate students about their experiences and get some insight into the program!

It is also our hope that these sessions provide a more in-depth and personal perspective from current UVM HESA graduate students that identify as one or more of the following: Person of Color (POC); Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Questioning (LGBTQ); Queer Person of Color (QPOC); and Returner to the Academy (taken time off after undergrad).

Please feel free to participate in whichever Google Hangout Session you identify with most! You can register through the following link: http://go.uvm.edu/uvmhesa14

Returners to the Academy (took time off after undergrad) Hangout:
Wednesday, October 15, 8PM EST

People of Color (POC) Hangout:
Thursday, October 16, 8PM EST

General Overview (HESA, academics, assistantship, etc.) Hangout:
Thursday, October 16, 9PM EST

LGBTQ Hangout:
Wednesday, October 22, 8PM EST

General Overview (HESA, academics, assistantship, etc.) Hangout:
Thursday, October 23, 8PM EST

Queer People of Color (QPOC) Hangout:
Thursday, October 23, 9PM EST

If you have additional questions, please feel free to contact the 2014 UVM HESA Google Hangout Coordinators: Eric Carnaje (ecarnaje@uvm.edu) and Jeffrey Tsang (jeffrey.tsang@uvm.edu).

If you have questions regarding Admissions to the program or Graduate Assistantships, please email: sagrads@uvm.edu